Attack on One-Shots
by Shrapnel893
Summary: Just a collection of various one-shots featuring either canon characters or my original ones. Sometimes it's a mixture of the two. They'll range to anything from pairings to random things I wanted to write about involving the characters. Please bear with me on these, I've never done one-shots before.
1. You Can't Hide Obsessiveness

**You Can't Hide Obsessiveness**

Captain Levi ran his finger along the windowsill, his glove coming off with specks of dust that only the most trained eye could see. A trained eye like his own.

"Petra," he said with no hint of emotion, holding the finger aloft without turning to his subordinate, who was using a duster to clean one of the many shelves lining the library walls.

"Yes, Captain Levi?"

"What is this?" he asked. "I specifically told you to get every speck and I can clearly still see specks on my finger here."

"Ah! I must have missed that section, I'm sorry sir!" she exclaimed, dropping the duster, causing whatever was clinging to its bristles to fly around the room in a cloud of every cleaner's worst nightmare.

"_Petra_!"

"Ah, I'm sorry!" She quickly took the duster in her hands and rushed over. With excruciating focus, she went across every millimeter of the windowsill and when the Captain ran his finger across it for a second time he nodded in satisfaction.

"Better," he remarked and turned around, eyes darting around the room. "I'm going to go check on the others." Walking carefully, he made it to the entrance to the library, just a dinky one room area, then stopped. "They should be done with the other rooms by now."

"Captain, sir?"

"What is it, Petra?"

"What about the rest of the library, it's still full of dust. You can't just-"

"You deal with it, I expect you to do as good a job as you've just done on that windowsill."

"W-wh- but it'll take me hours to-!"

The door slammed and Petra was left staring at the handle, speechless.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Special Operations Squad was lounging about, doing absolutely nothing, when Captain Levi entered the room. It was a room as small as the library, yet it looked more spacious on account of the lack of shelves and books. Though, the room had two windows instead of just one, one next to the door and the other on the opposite side, overlooking what had once been the courtyard of the castle. Without blinking, the Captain told the three of them to stop being useless shits and clean.

Commander Erwin had ordered them to prepare the Scouting Legion Headquarters for the arrival of a representative from one of Wall Sina's more prominent households. Today was the day they've get a backing, and the Commander was relentless in attempts at making that at all possible.

"_For the future of the Scouting Legion, Levi, you and your Squad are on clean-up duty. It's an important task that will require the utmost of skill_", but all Levi had heard was: "_You guys aren't doing anything special, so go clean the castle because I said so, and I'm too much of a blonde pretty boy shit to do it myself_".

Levi made a tsk sound with his tongue as he used his broom to sweep the floor. _That shit, he could__'ve__ at least gotten more people to help out_. Neatly scooping his most recent pile of collected debris, he threw it into one of the many gardens in the courtyard. If the gardens weren't dying already, then they were sure dying now. Taking his broom again, he swiped Oluo in the face, seeing that the other man had dozed off while standing up. He'd also managed to bit his tongue in that position, somehow, and Levi didn't want his blood to get on the ground - he'd just finished sweeping the whole damn courtyard to have the patience to do it all over again. _Useless shit, __don't fall asleep when there's still cleaning to finished!_he mused in his head as Oluo cursed and went back to pulling out weeds like the Captain had ordered him to.

Observing him now, the Captain noticed that he was pulling out the healthy vegetation, not the nuisance scourge that was the weed. "Oluo, the ones with the prickly surface, not the smooth ones, you moron. I specifically told you that not twenty minutes ago. Pay attention." _You useless shit, tsk_.

"Captain, it doesn't matter which ones I pluck! This stupid garden is dying anyway!"

"I don't care! The Commander wants it to look presentable and that means pulling out the weeds! Listen, if you so much as pinch off a leave of one of the smooth ones, I'll pluck your tongue out of your mouth!"

"Oi, oi, oi! I get it, dammit! Calm down already!" Oluo grumbled and went about pulling out the correct vegetation this time.

Again, Captain Levi nodded that he was satisfied as Petra called down, saying that she'd finished dusting the library.

"Good, now go over it again! I want it _spotless_!" he shouted back, and he thought he'd heard her groan, but didn't raise a question about it and instead went back to his broom. _Erwin, you piece of shit. I'll get you for this, I swear. _Levi could almost hear Erwin's laughing voice somewhere that was dust free, safe from any pathogens or harmful germs, sitting and having tea like the blonde pretty boy pansy shit that he was along with the fat shit ambassador from Wall Sina. _The shit_.He snapped the broom in half, neatly and carefully picked up the pieces, trashed them in a safe area, then went to get another broom to continue the cleaning. _I swear, I'm never doing this shit again_!


	2. Bread And Scarf

**Bread And Scarf**

Annie lay on her usual perch by the logs, gazing up at the clouds that floated on by in the sky above. She perked her ears at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Took you long enough," she complained, blowing away a leave that had fallen from the tree.

"Sorry, I was held up by Connie. You know him and his-"

"Don't tell me about that _idiot_, I'm annoyed enough as it is with you being late. I thought you really wanted me to help you improve your martial arts, not play '_let's see what ticks Annie off the most_'."

Fritz scratched the back of his head, letting out a short laugh. "Yeah, sorry, I-"

"Say, why are you so short for a boy?" she said suddenly, looking at from corner of an eye.

"I'm still growing!" Fritz pointed out, raising an accusing finger in her direction. "And what about you?! You shouldn't be talking, _shortie_!"

Annie's eyes became like darts that pierced into his skull. "Do you _want_ a broken arm?" she threatened, growling out her words. She leaned on one arm as she propped herself. "Or how about a bloody nose? Which is it?"

"Fine... I won't say it anymore!" Then, under his breath: "_Shortie._" She heard him nonetheless and her seething glare was obviously burning into him now. That was when he turned and ran at full speed.

"Hey! Get back here!" she yelled, running after.

She chased him for around under the scorching heat of the training field before she decided it wasn't worth her time, and kicked a clump of dried dirt, ready to head back to her perch just as she glimpsed a shadow creep its way across her vision. A moment later it was kicking up dust and dirt all over the place. She scowled, waving away dust, as she looked down at a beaming Sasha and dazed Fritz, not in the mood for another moron for the day. Sasha was violently shaking a still dazed and slightly crushed Fritz in her arms and crying.

"God! God! _God_!" she sobbed, making his condition worse. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to trample you! I just thought you-!"

Fritz pushed her away, shaking his aching head and checking for any broken bones. When he found none, he sighed with relief and annoyance, furrowing his brow as he looked at his attacker. "What the hell are you doing tackling me for! I could have died!"

"I thought you had some more food for me!" she confessed, clasping her hands together and shaking them under her chin. She was drooling slightly, and edged closer to her deity.

Scooting back, Fritz jabbed a finger at her. "I don't _have_ anything! What make you think I did!?" he shouted, lifting his arms into the air. At that moment, he felt something hit one of his open palms. He stared in horror and silence at a loaf of bread; buttered in all its glory. "Oh _hell_ no!" he exclaimed, looking around for the culprit. "Who's bread is this? I don't need this!" Realizing what holding it meant, _food_, he gawked at it in his hands and then glanced to Sasha, hiding it behind his back as soon as he saw her face. "It's not mine! I don't even know where it came from! I-!" She was in the air at that point, coming down on him like a vulture after a dead carcass. "Ah! No! Stop! Get off dammit!"

"God! God! God! _God_!"

Annie watched the spectacle with annoyance, turning to Mikasa standing beside her. She disliked her, this dog, and it showed in the look. Mikasa was too busy watching her handiwork to notice.

"Hey! What are you guys doing! We should help him!" Mina shouted as she ran up, waving her arms and pointing. She was stopped by Mikasa, who grabbed her by the shoulder and halted her in her tracks. When she looked into the other girl's slightly slanted eyes, Mikasa shook her head telling her to not interfere; this was Fritz's battle, not anyone else's. Mina looked to Annie with pleading eyes, but she just shrugged and continued to watch the two struggling at each other on the ground and rolling around in the dirt.

Guided by all the shouting, other trainees slowly gathered around to watch and Connie, along with Lund, came up beside the three of them, his lip quivering in laughter. He quickly turned to his tall friend, as Fritz, was fighting for his life with his worshiper.

"Lund! What does your intellect say about her appraisal level!" Connie shouted, pointing at the ponytailed follower.

Lund adjusted his glasses, inhaling sharply. "I thought I told you already, my name is Thord Lundqvist, not 'Lund', and I would prefer if you address me as-"

"Yeah, whatever! Just tell me!"

"Very well," Lund said, adjusting his glasses a second time. As he looked at the spectacle himself, his glasses cracked then snapped in half. "It's over nine thousand!" he gasped in amazement, trying to catch his glasses as they fell to the ground in two halves, "and my _glasses_! No!" Bending down, he frantically tried searching for them, but Annie was already two steps ahead. She crushed the two halves under her boot, much to his dismay. He was left shocked. "My... _glasses_..."

"You can always get new ones, _dweeb_," a steel coated voice said behind him. Ymir picked her ear and flicked whatever she had found inside to the wind as she stood over him. The short girl next to her ran forward, a worried look on her face like Mina before.

"Ymir! We have to stop them! They're gonna kill each other!" she shouted, pointing over at Sasha and Fritz.

Ymir snorted, as if the whole fiasco annoyed her. "Nah, they'll just get badly bruised. You worry too much Krista," she said, moving next to her. She grinned, an idea coming to her in an instant. "Unless, you want him to owe you a favor too, eh? _Eh_?" she asked, nudging her friend in the side, much to the latter's shock.

"No, I-!"

Ymir pulled her closer, getting into her friend's face. "You _what_?"

"Want to help them," Krista replied in small voice, embarrassed that Ymir was so close, and proceeded to stare down at the ground red faced. There were shouts from the crowd behind.

"_Marry me_!" a loud voice called out, which sound a lot like Reiner's.

"No, marry me! Goddess!" another voice shouted.

"If she's marrying anybody, it's _me_!" Ymir growled in anger, pulling Krista closer. "Got that you _losers_?! Back off!" She flipped her middle finger at the crowd, giving them death stares. The shouts abruptly stopped.

"This is stupid," Annie commented, as Mikasa let out a weird quiet continuous rumble next to her that sounded like sarcastic dead-pan laughter. She was about ready to go up and just punch Fritz in the face herself. Screw waiting for Sasha to get tired. A bald head in the distance halted her mid-step, as Chief Instructor Shardis came into view from the opposite direction.

"What the hell is going on _now_?!" he screamed, red in face and seething. Mikasa raised her hand to answer.

"Sasha is groping her lover," she answered plain faced.

"No, shut the hell up!" Fritz managed to retort, avoiding a bite from Sasha. "She is not my lover, and I am not her God _dammit_!"

The Chief Instructor just shook his head and looked at Mikasa. "Make sure they don't start doing more than groping." he commanded, turning on his heel to leave and grumbling to himself, storming off. "Why the hell do _I_ alwayshave to deal with these _idiots_?!"

Mikasa continued to watch the spectacle with a hidden amusement, keeping her expression blank as usual. She had plenty more of tricks up her sleeves. And lo! Thus, so it was just another hot morning of the 104th Trainee Squad's first year of training!


End file.
